I think it would be safe to assume that most everyone has
moved at least once in his or her lifetime. Whether it is simply to a new home,
a new city, a new state or an entirely new country. Sure, there is a lot of
talk about how to get acquainted with the new place, adjusting to your
surroundings and really diving into the culture. But what happens when you
return home? Returning to the place you used to know so well or where you grew
up can be slightly more challenging than you would have anticipated. The thing
is regardless of how much the place and people have or haven’t changed, it’s
hard not to feel like you’ve changed and somehow don’t quite fit in. Now that
was a rather dramatic, yet vague explanation of what I’m getting at.
So
I’ve had my fair share of moving places, from my parents’ home to college, to
work in China and back to the states to work here in North Carolina. With each
move there were unique challenges for sure. But what I find the most difficult
to overcome is when I came back from China (which I am just now starting to
adjust back to, and it’s been nearly 8 months, but hey gotta pace yourself
right?). So for me the thing was, I had lived in China and had all these
experiences, things I wanted to talk about and share with everyone, but at the
same time it’s hard to really dive in and give people a full impression of my
experience. The number of times I heard people say “Tell me about China” was and
still is almost every day. At this point there are plenty of times that I don’t
even want to tell people I lived there. Because I almost feel like they will
ask the question out of courtesy, expect a quick and comprehensive answer and
we’ll move on. And if it goes on much longer than a few minutes, they’ll
quickly lose interest and I’ll be awkward. And let’s face it, I can’t be brief.
I could literally talk to a wall for hours and hours and ramble on. The flow of
the conversation will make no sense to anyone, even me. And the truth of the
matter is, what if someone right now asked you to tell him or her about the
last two years of your life? Well you wouldn’t even know where to start. That’s
exactly how I feel. Which is only natural, because this is real life, it’s not
a two hour movie where you go through someone’s lifetime. Hit all the key
points and you’re done.
So this is where I ended up
reaching a point where I didn’t tell anyone about China and felt the need to
only be interested in what other people had done/were doing now, because I
figured no one cared or wanted to hear about my adventures. Whether out of
complete disinterest, or jealousy of the awesomeness of said adventures. This
whole not thinking people cared about what I had to say, isn’t exactly the most
cheerful thing ever, but it can happen nonetheless. Whether it be a break-up,
losing touch with a friend, moving or whatever has happened in your life; any
of these events could easily be a catalyst, leading you to this place. For me I
opted for the brief delve into mild hermitude and truly unnatural behavior.
Solely in the sense that I was about as excited about life as Marcel the Shell, essentially a little dull and not
exactly a ray of sunshine to be around. The funniest part of this all is that
none of my friends seemed to notice or point this out to me… Now I won’t fully
hold them accountable (particularly my cyber friends, because they didn’t see
me IRL), because well I am in control of my own actions, but still I wish a
little that someone had been like “Yo, SNAP OUT of this slump”. Maybe that
would have jolted me back to reality, maybe not. But regardless, I did it for
myself and I realize now that in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter
what you did, where you went, etc; the people that really care are still going
to really care. Once you’re able to truly grasp that, you can be yourself (as cliché
as that sounds). But I do think we all have a hard time of realizing that
simple truth, and try to be someone we’re not. In my case coming back stateside
affected me strangely more than I anticipated. I credit that to the whole
unemployed and living at home with the parents (that will give anyone a bit of
a shock). But regardless, lesson learned, and in the future I think I’ll
certainly try to keep in mind what’s important. Which ultimately are me, and
the people that I care about/care about me. In the end that’s all that really
matters.
