do you

Everyone is familiar with the phrase “Do unto others”. Standing as a basis for some sort of moral or behavioral code for many, bringing to light the concept that you should treat others how you would like to be treated. In an ideal world this universal reciprocity would be honored, but in reality, there is plenty of room for interpretation. What you think is good treatment, may to me be the worst thing I could imagine. Some people like to be hugged; I don’t particularly enjoy being touched. So while in theory it would be nice to live in a world where everyone is treated how they would want to be, in reality, it is rather impractical. This idea assumes that there is an allusive ideal, and ultimately forces us to play to an unrealistic average. And this can be easily applied to not only how you treat others, but how you treat yourself. In everything from the news to your social circles, we are expected to live up to certain expectations. Told that there is a way you are supposed to look and act, that is best. But to whom?

                I would like to be as impartial about this topic as possible, but, I don’t think I’ll be able to help myself. Because quite frankly I think these societal pressures are much more unevenly distributed to women than men. And I’m not saying that men don’t suffer from certain pressures, I’m just obviously not familiar with them and it seems they are not quite as visible in the media. Where women are told that they must meet certain guidelines of appearances and behaviors in order to be successful or snag that perfect man.  But the truth of the matter is that there is no ideal that can be applied to everyone. I mean think about it, do you really want to be average? I for sure do not want to. That’s no fun, who wants to be the same as everyone else? The thing is we buy too much into these ideas of what makeup or clothes you are “supposed” to wear. We become so consumed in this that we lose sight of what we want and what makes us feel good, for ourselves, not for someone else (or even just the idea of what someone else might possibly like). But how on earth do you think that magazine knows exactly what you like or what your crush will like? Half the time I don’t know exactly what I want, or it changes frequently without warning. And I’m not saying I don’t do the same thing, but I just don’t understand why. Do what you want, wear what you want, say what you want (obviously without being malicious. But hey, if that’s you, well I won’t tell you what to do). It’s time we stop worrying so much about what other people think or want us to do or say. When you get to the point that you are only doing things because you think you should, or are supposed to, it seems that maybe you are beginning to lose sight of you in a quest for this unattainable ideal or average. So next time you start reading those articles suggesting how you should look or act, think twice. Because I for sure know that I am not the average. Nor do I want to be. I believe that my friends and family love me BECAUSE I’m a pale, ginger who is neurotic, a hopeless romantic, loves Pocahontas, among other things; not in spite of these.

I’ve come to a point where I realized that we need to all start appreciating ourselves more. Just the way we are. I know that sounds cliché. Love yourself nonsense. But it really is true, you can’t expect other people to like you or want to be around you if you don’t start acting like you’re pretty great. But here comes the problem. Some people skim a little too close to becoming conceited, and well that is a quality that is not attractive on anyone. But what I do think is important is that you should start thinking about your good qualities and take pride in those things you like about you. If you need to write down a list, do it. If you’re especially self-deprecating like me and need to ask others what they like about you, do it. Whatever works for you to get that nudge in the right direction. Then believe it! I am entirely confident that how you feel about yourself directly correlates to the positive or negative vibes you give off. I’m not saying it in a superstitious way or anything, but happy fun people are just more fun to be around. I don’t know too many people that want their best friends to be negative Nancy and pouting Pamela. But then again, I’m no average that anyone can compare themselves to and by all means go hit the coffee house with Nancy and Pamela, as long as you’re being you! And hey, don’t be ashamed of those things you love. In an ideal world I would walk around every day in denim cut offs, flannel and Birkenstocks; with the Pocahontas soundtrack as musical accompaniment of course. And haters can hate, but I’ll just flip my hair, like I don’t care.